He clung to that doorway like his life depended on it. He screamed like he was being kidnapped, which is probably what it felt like to him. He cried and cried and cried.
She talked. Talked and talked and talked. On the drive home, she counted to 100. Twice. She tried to ignore the sobs and sniffles of the little brother sitting next to her. She put on a brave face.
The other two just watched. Stared in wonder at the drama unfolding around them. Gave up space in their rooms to allow another person to live there. Shared their toys and clothes. Shared their mommy and daddy.
This is how my story merged with the story of adoption. Dramatically. Traumatically. Saying yes to the call to adopt was the best, hardest thing we have ever done. Prior to that yes, we were living the ‘American Dream.’ Living in a nice suburb on a greenbelt. Two kids, one boy, one girl. We had it all.
Then God flipped our world upside down.
Being the parent of four children is hard enough. There are a lot of memes out there talking about how after 2 children it just feels like hundreds of children. This is especially true when you are helping your children navigate the road of grief and trauma. Add in special needs and the fun really starts!
When I think back to the Kara I used to be, past Kara, I wonder what she would think of what our life has become. I wonder if she could ever have imagined what a life in full time, in our home, never getting a break, ministry would be like. What I never do is envy her. Past Kara’s faith was there, but it wasn’t tested. She believed in God and trusted Jesus with her life. But she didn’t know what it felt like when Jesus is the only thing you have to cling to. She didn’t know the reality of living a life of service to the Creator. She didn’t understand what sacrificial love really was.
Present Kara is still learning all of those things. Some days are hard. Some days I see other families doing the things I thought we would be doing. They go to Disney. We go to therapy. They spend their weekends at the ballfield. We spend ours hiding in the house. It can be difficult to remember that those families have struggles too. Struggles I don’t know about. It can be difficult when I think about the future and know that my story will never again be my own. It can be difficult.
It can be joyful too. There is an unexplainable joy in knowing that God could have used anyone to do this job. He didn’t need me, but He allowed my story to merge with the story of adoption and He used that merge to shape my faith and lead me to a deeper trust in who He is. 1 Peter 4:19 says, “So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for He will never fail you.” (NLT)
Trusting my life to a God who will never fail me is the best choice I have ever made.
Meet the Author!
Kara is wife to Brad, mom to 4 beautiful children, and dog mom to the best good dogs you ever met. She enjoys taking long walks, Chili's date nights, and Wheel of Fortune with the family. She loves advocating for inclusion and talking too much about adoption.