Editor’s Note: This post is part of our blog’s month long focus on friendship. You can find the rest of our posts at here.
When you consider the friendships in your life, in general, what is the average length? Are most of your friendships newer? Are most long term? Or maybe you have a happy medium with a little bit of both. Since the two of us have been best friends for almost as long as we can remember, we thought we would share a bit from our perspective on long-term friendships.
Some friendships are forged through similar experiences, seasons or hobbies, and when that season changes, or that hobby disappears, the friendship may fade along with it. We’ve all seen it happen. The friendship was convenient to keep up with because we were both at the gym every week, but now my job changed and I don’t see the gym or that friend anymore. Or maybe it was a friend in the same season of life, but now that they have children and you and your husband don't, there just isn’t as much you can relate to. If this has happened to you, we want to say: that is okay—not all friendships are going to last forever.
While some friendships may understandably fade, we want to reflect on the value in having friendships that can stand the test of time, regardless of changing seasons or circumstances. We know from our experience that long friendships are one of life’s sweet blessings. However, in a world that moves fast, provides shallow social media connections, and praises individuality, it is easy to miss experiencing the beauty of a long term friendship. In fact, a Dutch study from 2009 showed the majority (70%) of friendships last less than seven years.
Some of you may remember hearing a bit of our friendship story at a women’s ministry brunch in 2019. We met at Council Road Baptist when we were attending different elementary schools. We became close friends when we started having our birthday parties together at the age of 10 (we are one day apart in age), and we haven’t stopped doing life together since. We’ve shared a multitude of mission trips, family vacations, silly laughs, heartbreaks, deep conversations, life-altering experiences, everyday moments and Marco Polo videos. (Not to give away our age :-), but that has been over 20 years worth of memories!)
We’ve been through a few seasons together—Middle School (hello sponge curlers and press on nails!), High School (youth group trips and dating drama), college roomies, one of us married and the other not, living in both the same cities and different states, both of us married with no kids, one of us deep in the throws of mothering little ones while the other one was experiencing infertility, and now we’ve entered back into the same season—both married and both with young kids (finally!!).
Some seasons were harder than others, leading us to have our fair share of hurt and misunderstanding. We have each had a season where we have felt unneeded and, frankly, unseen in our friendship. Our friendship is stronger today because we chose communication and stayed committed to fighting for our friendship. The uncomfortable conversations about hurts gave way for practicing grace and for us to be reminded of the other person’s character. It also served as a reminder of the character of the One who leads us (Galatians 5:22-23; 1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
Long term friendships are worth the fight—to be known as you are and loved. (Not to mention sharing a mountain of memories!)
Do you have any long term friendships that you can look at with a smile on your face? If you do, take a minute to thank God for that dear blessing. If you do not have a long term friendship, it is never too late to cultivate one.
Meet the authors!
Lauren McAfee is a PhD student in ethics and public policy from Southern Seminary. Lauren is author of Not What You Think, Only One Life, and Legacy Study. She also works at the Hobby Lobby corporate office as a project coordinator. She grew up in Oklahoma City and loves her church community at CRBC. Lauren and her high school sweetheart, Michael McAfee, have been married for over ten years and have one daughter, Zion. Connect with Lauren at www.laurenamcafee.com or on Instagram @laurenamcafee.
Casey Yates is a wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend and speech-language pathologist. Casey loves all things Christmas, British historical fiction, walks, pie and coffee. Lots of coffee.