“You don’t have to be lonely, at FarmersOnly.com.” The jingle rang out over my parents tv. We all laughed as my ranch-owner dad threatened to set up an account for his single daughter…me. As I remember how we joked about the catchy jingle every time it came on, I recall other not-so-catchy jingles that have been said to me as a single woman.
Single jingles are not new, ranging from inspiring to obnoxious. A single woman may welcome them with a smile or merely tolerate them with a slow head nod. It can easily go either way. You may ask, what is a “single jingle?” It is a catchy, common phrase that well-meaning people tell single women in order to encourage them in their single season of life.
While they are often welcomed with open arms, some commonly spoken single jingles tend to do more damage than good. Here are some examples. The first two are ones to avoid when in discussion with a single gal, and the latter two are worthy of two thumbs up in the single community!
You’ve got to put yourself out there. There are two things you’re communicating to a single woman when you utter this potentially destructive single jingle. First, you’re telling me that I’m not trying hard enough to find a husband, but you’re also telling me that my husband is out there somewhere and it’s up to me to find him. This is a total reversal to the narrative of the princess waiting for her prince charming that I have been taught my whole life. Confusion and identity crises ensue. Another way this phrase appears is by asking, “Have you thought about changing churches?” or even “Are you on any dating sites?” Don’t make single women feel like these things will ensure them a husband. Let us feel loved and welcomed where we are, for who we are, trusting that God will convict and care for us.
Life is so much better when you share it with someone. What you’re communicating with this single jingle is that the only truly fulfilling relationship I can have is with a husband and, until I have that, my current lifestyle is just a warm-up or a subpar waiting zone for marriage. Life may have become better or more fulfilling for you when you got married, but don’t set those unreal expectations for the single woman. Point us to the cross where we will find the one Man alone who can truly fulfill our hearts’ longing to be loved.
Those two single jingles provoke sad memories of well-meaning friends or family members, falling short of bringing comfort to my lonely heart. They are the memories that the Enemy loves to use against me in my fight for obedience to the Lord. Words are powerful, so here are two things you should tell and keep telling the single women in your life…
You’ve got time. I feel relieved just typing this phrase out! What joy it brings not only to know that you don’t have to rush, but also to know that you aren’t completed by having a husband. It drives us away from feeling urgently alone, to further trusting in the Lord. Trusting the Lord is all about letting go of what we thought our lives would look like, and knowing that God is faithful. I DO have time. I don’t have to get married tomorrow, and I’m no less loved by the Father for being single.
Go for it! Every single woman, believe it or not, has a dream for her life outside of marriage as well. Many of us are so blinded by our desire for marriage, however, that we just might miss the opportunity to strive toward another good thing. Tell the single women in your church to dream big and then go for it! Getting a master’s degree? Joining the mission field? Receiving a Foster child? Buying a house? Getting a pet? Starting a blog? Go for it! We sometimes need some encouragement to look outside of our own minds and hearts just to see the other passions the Lord has given us. A toxic mentality that has circulated among Christian single women is the message that we have to have a husband before we can pursue other endeavors. Abolish this thinking by empowering and encouraging the single women in your life to dream big and go for it. This is the perfect season to try, fail, get back up… and try again.
While well-meaning friends and family can use or abuse the single jingle, it is ultimately up to the single woman herself to decide to be content in the Lord. Living a God-filled, grace-showing, Scripture-permeating, servant-minded life is up to the individual, single or married, as they press on toward the prize that Paul talks about in Philippians 3.
Thank you for loving on single women, Council Road Baptist Church. I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we feel loved and like we belong when we are embraced by our church family. Thank you for listening to the heart of this single woman and for being willing to listen to other single women.
In the comments below, I would love to hear advice and encouragement for and from all women on the single life! What did/do you love about it? What made/makes it hard?
Meet the Author!
Hannah Hanzel is an opinionated, passionate gal that loves sharing what God is doing in her often busy and complicated life. She strives to show God's glory in working as the Art Director for the Baptist Messenger, serving as a multi-client freelance graphic designer, and communing with CRBC. When she's not working, you can find her sipping coffee in a hammock, watching classic '40s movies, or going on an adventure with friends or family.