Forgiveness is hard. Without the Holy Spirit’s help, for me it was impossible. I learned how hard it was after my son ended his life as a result of false accusations made against him.
I felt justified in hating the person that had done this and wore my ‘Grieving Mom’ badge for a very long time. It got bigger and heavier every day, but I felt like it was my “right” to continue to wear it.
I knew what the Bible said about forgiveness, but in my deep grief, it felt disloyal to my son for me to let go of my bitterness. So, I continued in my disobedience to God instead. And that’s never a good idea. I was miserable in my grief and my disobedience only added to my misery.
I have the joy and privilege of leading a Bible study group on Sunday mornings at our church. However, in the months following my son’s death I was not able to teach, so others stepped in for me. One Sunday, my friend, Glenda, taught on forgiveness. I tried to pay attention, but my heart just wasn’t in it. She even had a handout on the steps to forgiveness that I never intended to read.
For many days later, I sensed God’s Spirit inviting me to talk with Him about that piece of paper on forgiveness. He reminded me of what the scripture says in Matthew 6:14-15, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But…if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
God helped me know that it was time for me to forgive. Although there was one initial accuser, I believe the bitterness and unforgiveness in my heart had spilled out and covered everything in my life. Once God opened my eyes, I realized I had blamed lots of other people for my loss too. The human heart wants someone…anyone to blame. He helped me write down the names of those I needed to forgive. There were several! It was so hard. I really didn’t want to forgive them, but finally I did.
I had a choice that day on whether I would obey God’s Word or not. I chose to obey. By an act of my own will and by the power of the Holy Spirit in me, I was able to forgive those that had caused me so much pain. The result of that act of obedience was amazing. One minute I felt pure contempt for my son’s accuser. The next minute all I could do was weep and beg God not to let that person die before they knew that He could forgive them for what they had done. The thought of this person carrying around their guilt for the rest of their life was unbearable to me.
I realized later that my choice to obey and to forgive was what helped me move through the grief journey and it led me to find joy in life again. I am so grateful for the immeasurable patience and mercy of God!
Meet the author!
Debbie Jourden is a follower of Christ, Mom to Gabe, Mother-in-law to Lisa, and Grandma to Chris and Caleb. She facilitates a ladies Sunday morning Bible Study, a Sunday night small group, and a Celebrate Recovery Friday night small group. Debbie runs two small businesses from home in her power wheelchair. A student of prayer who learned to really pray and trust in grief after the suicide loss of husband and youngest son…she is still learning.