I can distinctly remember the feeling of my cold bathroom floor in my old, Norman apartment. It was grimy, dusty, dirty, and captured perfectly how I felt inside and out. My knees were hugged tightly against my chest, rising, and falling with my shallow breath. Even before giving my life to My Lord, I knew just how far I had fallen before Him. My addiction to watching pornography had haunted me, consumed me, for nearly 12 years of my life. My lustful eyes wanted to capture any man set before me. Waiting for marriage had been catapulted out the window already. There was no amount of scrubbing in the tub I could have done to wash away the stain left on me from years of impurity, lust, and sin. Not even my tears could remotely smear away the murky mess of my life.
Before I truly came to Christ, I had felt Him calling out to me to come home. I would feel Him searching for me, and I would violently throw myself out of bed and onto that grimy, dusty, dirty bathroom floor. Panic seared my body as I would spin into an almost daily anxiety attack. The same thoughts would flood my mind relentlessly.
You are broken beyond repair. No good man is ever going to want anything to do with you. You are disgusting! Too many pieces have been taken from you. How could God possibly love you? How could God ever use somebody like you?
I had been thoroughly convinced by the enemy in my mind and I remained stuck there until God met me on the grimy, dusty, and dirty bathroom floor at 12th Avenue Southeast.
My purity was something I felt had long since dissipated before God met me where I was. I came to Him in my tattered rags and filthy garments, and laid down my life in exchange for something way better than I ever could have fathomed. I have heard the quote from A.W. Tozer that says, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” When I think about God, the word “redeemed” jumps immediately to my mind. God redeemed me from the grimy, dusty, dirty life I had been living and He gave me a whole new life to live. He freely offered me something which was so precious, and I can remember being confused about how that all was going to work out. The first time I read Luke 7:36-50 and the story of that sinful woman forgiven, God showed me exactly how it all worked out. A woman who was clearly known by the Pharisees in that area as a “major sinner” entered a Pharisee's home, boldly approaching Jesus and weeping at His feet in front of the Pharisees. She knew exactly who Jesus was and what His presence meant for her: Redemption. She knew that Jesus had come to wash us white as snow, and her past would no longer have any reign on her. She washed and rubbed onto the feet of our Savior expensive and perfumed oil, as the Pharisees stared in disbelief and disgust at this sinful woman. Who did she think she was? How dare this impure woman touch a holy man!
Jesus was quick to then tell his Pharisee hosts a story about moneylenders and debtors, explaining there were two debtors that owed money to a certain moneylender, with one debtor having a bigger debt than the other. Both debts ended up being forgiven by the moneylender. Jesus asked which debtor would love the forgiving moneylender more. Of course, the one who had the biggest debt of all! Jesus looked to this sinful woman in Luke 7:48 and spoke over her, “Your sins are forgiven.”
Friend, I want to directly tell you this in case you need this reminder: If you struggle (or have struggled) with lust, pornography, or any sexual sin, you are not beyond redemption or the love of Christ. You are seen by Him, you are loved by Him, you are forgiven by Him, and you are not alone in your story. Jesus came to Calvary because He knew we could not scrub off our own sin in the tub. He came to die so that we may live forever pure in His eyes, redeemed.
So, how can we pray and approach the throne of God about our purity?
Acknowledge areas in your life where you struggle with purity. Ask God to reveal these areas to you so that you may fully arm yourself for battle in prayer with the appropriate armor. (Ephesians 6:13-16)
Have an accountability partner in your life from whom you can regularly seek guidance and prayer. Don’t keep your secret in the dark where sin can fester. (James 5:16, Proverbs 28:13)
Understand that shame and conviction are two separate things, and only the latter comes from the Spirit. Seek to approach God even when you fall short, because He is waiting to hear from you. (Romans 8:1, Luke 15: 11-24)
If it is necessary, place blocks on the devices you have access to so that boundaries are being set to prevent any temptations. Continue to guard your heart over potential triggers or areas of purity struggle. (1 Peter 5:8, Luke 4:13)
Jesus breathed his last as He was nailed to the cross and uttered these words, “It is finished”. God showed His finished work of redemption through His Son, Jesus, dying on the cross for all sin that is and will be. Pray for God to grant you peace in your purity journey as you acknowledge the Savior’s grace over your sin and shortcomings. (John 19:30, Ephesians 2:8)
Meet the Author!
Kaitlin loves Jesus and the Word with all her heart and soul. She is currently engaged to Landon Niles and cannot wait to join the Niles Family Crew with Troy, Nolene, and Tate! She is currently attending Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary for a Master of Theological Studies degree, with an emphasis in Biblical Counseling. She also serves in the youth ministry and leads 6-8th grade girls.