I’m new to this whole missionary gig and so far it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
My back hurts from the plywood bed. My stomach grumbles as it adjusts to the new foods, water, and routine. My hair is oily from the less than clean water I “wash” it in every other day. My living room wallpaper is such an onslaught of patterns, my head hurts when I walk in there. I spend too much time on instagram missing my friends because it’s too rainy this week to go make new friends with my caveman version of the local language. I barely want to pick up my Bible because my mind feels so overwhelmed with learning a new language that it could explode even from reading a familiar language. And I’m lonely.
I’m on the slow, costly side of a very large investment. I feel the emptiness of my social, familial, emotional, and even spiritual pockets, as I’ve offered it all to obey Jesus’ calling to the nations. It seems I’ve surrendered my meager kingdom to pursue His more glorious and splendid Kingdom.
But if I’m honest, I’m still waiting for it to have been worth it. Maybe you can relate in a different way. Maybe you’re setting aside the world’s pursuits in order to better serve others and His Kingdom. Maybe you…
Quit that hobby to have more time to disciple your children.
Paused your degree plan to lead a Bible study in your unbelieving neighborhood.
Use your PTO to help with Whiz Kids.
Put some of your home remodel fund toward sending a student to camp.
Left your comfortable, familiar home group in order to invest in a group with young or new believers.
Made your business about building the Kingdom and honoring God more than making money.
I don’t know what costly endeavors our Father has beckoned you toward in this season. But maybe you’re like me, and you’re waiting for the sacrifice to have truly been worth it.
We are in that empty calm before the impending, gorgeous collision between the believer’s obedience and God’s power.
It’s where Abraham waved his family’s caravan on in faith to nowhere. It’s where Daniel was dusting off his cloak after being thrown in a den full of hungry lions. It’s where Ruth was standing before a speechless, grieving Naomi. It’s where Mary saw Gabriel disappear and she was left in her room alone. It’s where Stephen boldly stood before angry Jews with stones in hand.
“If only they’d known,” we say. And if only we knew now what was on the other side of willing and total obedience to our Father! We wait, my friends.
Waiting is not the enemy. The temptation to doubt, to give up, and to despair are our enemies. We wait because we know it will be worth it, even when we don’t feel it. Even when our circumstances preach the cost. Even when our loneliness or grief echo the loss of what we surrendered.
We wait.
For encouragement see:
Psalms 27:14
Isaiah 40:28-31
Psalm 130:5-6
Psalm 73
Meet the Author!
Catherine Wayne is a pen name for a current CRBC missionary whom we support. Please continue to cover Catherine in prayer.