“ Will sex ever NOT hurt again?”
That was the text message my daughter received from a newly breastfeeding friend when we were together the other day. I was so impressed that her friend actually asked such a personal question and that she asked a friend who had already experienced the hormonal drop of breastfeeding.
While we women of faith talk to each other about things as random as the latest diet craze and vampire facials to the plight of refugee children, sex is the one topic we usually do not talk to each other about. Nor are we quick to talk to our doctors and other healthcare professionals.
DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL
Here’s the deal...sex was God’s idea and it is supposed to be great! I’m talking internal fireworks and a sweet connection so pure and intimate that it’s only to be shared with your spouse.
But let’s be honest…sex isn’t always that great, is it?
As women of faith, I’m confident we are particularly hesitant to share our questions, concerns, struggles, pain, and other sexual issues. On the other hand, the sex-saturated culture we live in has lost all sense of propriety, bombarding our eyes and ears, making us both more sensitive to sexual issues and more confused about what is and isn’t “normal,” and healthy. Combine that with our own issues of guilt, embarrassment, and fear of what others might think, and we can end up with a don’t ask, don’t tell mentality.
Sex is far from my favorite topic to discuss. And if married, we certainly should protect our spouse’s privacy. However, there definitely is and isn’t an appropriate way to talk about sex. I am more and more convinced that we are harming ourselves and others by our hesitancy to discuss intimate issues.
Should what happens behind closed doors really stay behind closed doors?
CONSEQUENCES OF KEEPING QUIET
What happens when what happens behind closed doors is not Biblical and violates our purity before God? When we remain silent in our habitual sin, our consciences become seared and we become less and less convicted, giving Satan a dangerous foothold into our lives. Or, we may sink into a muddied cycle of self-hate and loathing, believing the lie that we are forever dirty and useless for God. When we don’t confess our struggles to a trusted friend or mentor, we don’t get the help and accountability we desperately need. We take baggage into our marriages that could be redeemed beforehand and we harm the marriages we are in with both former and current sin.
What happens when what happens behind closed doors is physically painful, emotionally humiliating, or even harmful and abusive? Physical pain causes us to miss out on the great sex God intended. (Seriously, read His Song of Solomon and try not to blush!) Keeping quiet keeps us from medical help that can change what was dreaded into an eager-to-slip-under-the-sheets experience. And one that hugely benefits our marriages! Likewise, not sharing with qualified professionals the hurts and abuses done to us results in not receiving much needed counsel and the life-altering gift of mental and emotional healing.
What happens when what happens behind closed doors is mediocre or when we’ve just lost interest? If we don’t seek help, we don’t receive needed encouragement and helpful advice. Our marriages can suffer from distance and we become vulnerable to other people and places to meet the needs God gave us.
Bottom line...we need to talk about intimate issues.
Yes, we need to be careful who we talk to and how. But, talking we must do. So get ready for our August blog posts! We’re going to talk about the rise of women using pornography, how to personally combat it, and we’ll hear from a young woman on her personal fight against porn. A medical professional will address when sex hurts (why and what to do about it), while a Therapist will weigh in on how to deal with shame, guilt, and the embarrassment that comes from sin. We’ll have a book review to add some sizzle when needed and a podcast with a woman who has experienced the healing God offers.
It’s time to talk, girls. So please...join the conversation!
Meet the Author!
Bible teacher, author, inspirational speaker and disciple-maker, Vickey Banks is passionate about helping women connect the dots between God’s Word and their everyday lives. She loves serving as Women’s Ministry Director at Council Road, celebrating her people, playing with her puppy and getting lost in a good story.