I came to know Christ in my early 20’s. As past friendships couldn’t weather the change and I wanted to grow in my faith, I found myself in a place of really needing to find Christian community while having zero, zilch, nada idea of how to do that. Now after 18 years of relationship building inside the church, I’ll share my patented, full-proof, magic formula (ha!) for getting to know others, which is: keep showing up and then keep showing up.
Here are some practical examples of what I’ve seen successfully foster meaningful community & relationships
Get Involved. “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
CRBC offers many tangible opportunities to get to know others! Involvement in things like Women’s Summer Book Clubs and Table Groups, Bible Studies, Connection Classes, and Home Groups are essential for surrounding ourselves with chances for connection and deeper relationships. Additionally, involvement in service opportunities around the church and community outreach are incredible occasions to meet new people AND meet needs. We can’t aid others if we don’t know them, and we can’t know their needs unless we spend time with them. Our church provides wonderful avenues for building community and serving others – we have to commit to taking full advantage of them.
Consistency. “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10)
I was at CRBC prior to any formal Women’s ministry, so when a small group of 7-10 women started meeting at the 9am hour I joined in on that. Then home groups sprouted and I started attending. There were multiple splits due to new growth, multiple home group leadership changes, multiple changes to the day of the week and time - I just kept showing up. Over those 10 years, I got married and started my career, so my emotional & time availability changed drastically. Admittedly “showing up” wasn’t (and isn’t!) without its aches and pains. What we can involve ourselves in and show up for will ebb and flow through varying seasons of life; time flies by at warp speed and our individual lives change and evolve. God knows what we are capable of and repeatedly shows us in His word the importance of consistency and relationships, so I greatly encourage you to find where you can regularly “show up”. I wholeheartedly hold consistency as the reason I have close relationships in the church today!
Hold expectations with open hands and an open heart. “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” (1 Peter 4:8-10)
We must be endlessly flexible and constantly understanding of others’ seasons of life. Listen to people and ask questions that show you have a genuine interest in their lives. I find that sometimes I’m doing 90% of the work in friendships and other times my friends are having to do the heavy lifting. I’ve had my feelings hurt and have felt left out, and I’ve been the one to hurt feelings and make others feel left out. Sometimes my calendar has plenty of space to spend meaningful time fostering new relationships and other times I can hardly keep it together. Things like health considerations, changes to family structures, job changes, mobility hindrances – all of these require a shift in our expectations and that endless flexibility I mentioned. 😊 In getting to know others, we pour out grace, and pour out grace, and pour out more grace. People are worth it, involvement is worth it, and showing up is worth it.
Be creative! “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” (Psalm 133:1)
There are some great tools to help us keep in touch with our community. Challenge yourself to contemplate areas of serving that are a bit out of your comfort zone! (e.g., Me serving in tech! Never would have thought!) The video chat app “Marco Polo” is an absolute staple for many people and it is easy to use for any age! It allows you to send video messages back and forth and is a great communication tool for times when there may be reasons for physical distance with those in your life, or when getting to know someone new. I had a friend recently go on a grocery store trip with me; running errands with someone who may not have time for a more traditional hangout is an option. Lean-in to mutual friendships! Many of my dearest friends are those who at one time were just friends of a friend. Don’t be afraid to pull together groups of people who you may know, but don’t all know each other. Be willing to consider “bite-sized” time slots with people. Sit on the porch for 30 minutes with a new Mom while the baby is napping. Meet for a 20 minute walk over a lunch break. Spend an extra 15 minutes catching up after a church service. The consistency will pay off!
As we consider all the ways we can get to know others to love and serve them well, let us remember that in Christ we already have all things in common! We can find peace and joy in that truth as we stretch and challenge ourselves to build community. “Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common” (Acts 4: 32)
Meet the Author!
Ashley Otteson and her husband Garrett are blessed beyond measure to have found community at CRBC. Garrett serves on the Deacon Board and they have lead a Home Group for 5+ years, affectionately named “SundaysCool”. They’ve also spent time serving on the Welcome Team and Tech Team.
Professionally, Ashley is a Sales Leader for a large Global Technology Company where she has been for 15 years. She enjoys watching sports, eating delicious food, deep conversation, and living no further than a 7-minute drive from her sisters and parents.